Why Being Real Is the 2025 Dating Trend

I must live a sheltered life - I didn’t even know “being real” was an online trend!

That said, I was delighted to be approached by Yahoo!Style to contribute to an article on how people in their 40s and 50s are leading the way in real, grounded dating.

I don't believe "being real" is a trend - it’s a return to truth. If you aren't being real, how can you attract a truly compatible partner?

Being real is a great fit for any demographic, it’s just that younger daters don’t always recognise it as many are still in the process of self-discovery. Daters over 40 or 50, typically, had plenty of experiences, so they tend to know what they want or don’t want in a relationship and are not afraid to articulate it. They are no longer interested in playing games and will lead with authenticity to steer clear of unhealthy relationships in which people have to pretend to be someone they’re not.

Dating behaviour evolves as we age - and it’s twofold. On one side, people in this stage of life have emotional maturity, self-awareness, and value clear honest communication. On the other side, some carry the weight of painful past experiences and emotional baggage, which can lead to bitterness and doubt, at least until they take time to heal. My 1:1 private coaching programme always starts with unpacking past emotional baggage and self-awareness.

Do you want to spend the next decade with someone, "peeling back" their layers, only to find they weren't being real to begin with? Likewise, you wouldn’t want them to discover you have been fake – to what end?

5 Top Tips for being real when dating:

1. If you're dating online, share your beliefs and key life values upfront, on your dating profile: be it political / social views, your views on career and family or anything you're feeling passionate about. You'll filter out people who don’t align with your values. Alternatively, just build it into a conversation with people you're dating / interested in.

2. If you're feeling the pressure to appear younger, cooler, or more “dateable”, address the root cause instead of papering over the cracks. Ask yourself what your “ideal self” would look like (the person you want to be both inwardly and outwardly). Is there a gap between your real self and your ideal self? What steps can you start taking to bridge the gap? Make a plan and start working on it, one small step at a time.

3. If you’re lacking confidence and feel like all you've been doing for the past decade(s) is working and/or parenting, ask your friends and family to help you identify your best qualities and achievements. You’re likely to discover you’re a lot more interesting than you thought! Things you take for granted (for example, cooking or speaking a foreign language) are, in fact, seen as genuine accomplishments by many people who don’t have these skills.  

4. If you want to appear more genuine, only use recent realistic photos in your online dating profile: post both head and full-body shots – show them you’re not hiding behind filters or old photos. If possible, include a couple of photos showing your favorite activities and interests.

   
   

5. Also, be clear about your relationship goals as early as possible: let your dates know whether you’re looking for a long-term relationship / marriage or just companionship. Don't pretend to be cool with a "situationship" or non-exclusive dating if it's not for you.

   
   

Now, is there such a thing as being "too real"? Yes - my interpretation of being “too real” is oversharing: too much, too soon. Studies find that it’s advisable to reveal personal information gradually over time, as your relationship grows. Disclosing everything on your first date will overwhelm your potential partner.

I see two forms of oversharing in our culture. The first is what I call floodlighting, and the other is the smath and grab... When we share vulnerability [...] with someone with whom there is no connectivity, their emotional (and sometimes physical) response is often to vince...

...The smash and grab used as vulnerability armor is about smashing through people's social boundaries with intimate information, then grabbing whatever attention and energy you can get your hands on. We see this most often in celebrity culture, when sensationalism thrives. *

How do you know what is ok to share and what is not? Yes to your views, values and core beliefs. No (or not yet - not until you get to know them) to intimate emotional experiences, trauma and shame stories. You'll know when the time is right - and it will signal trust developing in your new relationship.

As to my own experiences, I dated quite a bit in the past, when I was a single mum with a young child. I got tired of pretending I was “cool” and always available, so I explained my situation upfront (on my dating profile) with a bit humor - something like: “Patience may be required, but it’s worth it.”

If it did put any men off, I can’t say I noticed! What it did though was attract the right men – the ones who could handle the lack of spontaneity and understood the reality of my life. Click here to read top tips for dating as a single parent.

I also stopped “dumbing myself down” for fear of appearing too nerdy and academic and stopped faking interest in things I really wasn’t into. You can simply say: “It’s not my thing, to be honest, but I admire how passionate you are about xyz...”

This strategy clearly paid off as I'm now happily married; and neither of us feel the need to change who we are or change each other...

When you’re authentic and honest about your personality or values, you attract people who are truly compatible. Life is too short: cut to the chase and avoid costly false starts.

Dating doesn't have to be frustrating. You just need the right approach. Try this proven step-by-step guide to attracting the right partner and creating a lasting relationship – without settling or wasting years on the wrong match.

Ready to start your journey to love? This is your moment - don’t let another opportunity pass you by!

CLICK ME!

With best wishes,

Mila Smith

Founder, "From Single to Couple" Relationship & Dating Consultancy

*Brene Brown, "Daring Greatly"