5 Signs You're Financially Compatible with Your Partner: Key to a Strong Relationship

Whether you’re a hopeless romantic or a pragmatist with your feet firmly on the ground, don’t sidestep the “money issue” when you’re dating or embarking on a new relationship!

For many of us, money can be a tricky  topic to discuss with a romantic partner. Astonishing as it is, in our culture, we can be as uncomfortable talking about money as we are talking about sex. In fact, I dare say, we’re becoming more relaxed talking about the latter, while the subject of money remains somewhat awkward...

Nevertheless, research shows that a lack of financial compatibility and misalignment on money matters is one of the top causes of conflict in relationships, often leading to money problems, loss of trust and other serious issues.

“Love conquers all” is a wonderful cliché, but it would be a little reckless to count on it as a long-term strategy. Believe me, no matter how strong your feelings are right now, in the long run, your relationship is always going to experience pressure from various outside factors, including work, family. …and inevitably, finances.

You can try to minimise the stress on your current or potential relationship by knocking the money issue on the head as soon as feasible - because you can.

What are the sure signs you’re financially compatible with your partner?

1. You recognize what money means to you and what it means to your partner.

Is money one of the main objectives in your life or, are you driven by other values, and money is simply a means to exist or give you freedom? What about your partner? As this particular question is more philosophical than operational in nature, there’s no harm in bringing it up early in a relationship.

Opposites may attract initially, when you find new facets of your partner’s personality fresh and exciting, however the novelty wears off relatively soon. Studies find people are more likely to get on with someone sharing similar values and objectives in the long run. This includes your relationship with money.

2. You have a reasonably good idea about your partner’s income and expectations.

Although this may not be obvious straight away, the longer you see each other, the more apparent it becomes. Some people are even open about what they earn or expect to earn. What if they are not?

Trust develops differently in every relationship. Personal disclosures - like talking about income - often come later, and having these conversations is actually a sign your relationship is growing in a healthy way. Trust is one of the most important pillars of a relationship, and I believe this also extends to financial matters.

If it hasn’t come up in a conversation, at some point, you could lead by example and disclose your own level of income (or assets). Your partner is likely to reciprocate, however, be prepared to accept any answer gracefully, e.g. they’re not ready to discuss.

Again, many people in the Western world view it as an uncomfortable topic. If you find yourself backed into a corner, instead of apologising, explain why you consider financial health important.

3. You’re comfortable with what you’ve discovered so far.

As discussed above, most of us gravitate towards people like us, which includes your income bracket, with some variation. If you and your partner happen to be on the opposite ends of the scale, I suggest you consider a few theoretical scenarios to help you visualise your future.

For example, you’re used to flying business class and staying in 5-star hotels, while your date’s idea of a holiday is camping or a B&B at best. Whenever you want to book a holiday, you’ll know they can’t afford your expected level of comfort. Does this mean you go alone, not at all, or pay for the two of you if you want to go away together?

If the tables were turned, would you be able (and comfortable) to embrace your partner’s lifestyle and level of expenditure?

4. You’ve established your spending vs saving balance.

If saving money takes priority in your life, you’ll find it difficult to get on with someone who lives to spend, and vice versa. There’s no right or wrong – we’re all different in this respect, and we also go through different phases in our lives. There are times when we deal with major life events, like buying a property, a divorce or having a new baby, which forces us to tighten our belt. Thankfully, there are also times when we can afford to treat ourselves to a holiday or a new outfit.

Do you have a private pension, a savings account or an investment portfolio working towards your retirement? Do you know your partner’s position? Regular open communication is crucial to establishing your spend-save balance and your financial compatibility in a relationship, especially when you come from different backgrounds (social, cultural etc).

Click here to discover 7 Tips for Successfully Navigating Cultural Differences in Relationships.

5. You’re on the same page regarding what each of you is prepared to invest in your life together.

Do you believe in sharing a bank account with your other half when you move in together, or would you prefer to keep your finances separate? Perhaps, one joint account to cover your regular outgoings plus separate accounts for your personal expenditure? Whichever you prefer, does your partner share your point of view?

Encourage the conversation about money management in your relationship if it hasn’t occurred naturally. You’ll have to agree on what would be a fair contribution from each of you according to your circumstances. Ideally, discuss these points before you move in together or make any life-changing decisions.

Try to be tactful when broaching the subject of money in case your partner happens to be sensitive about it due to their upbringing or previous experiences. You never know!

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Here’s an interesting thing about money…

Our experience demonstrates it’s more than just the pounds / euros /dollars in your bank account or the value of your assets and pension. Money often serves as a litmus test for a relationship, as your attitude towards money influences your behaviour and the way you treat your partner - and vice versa.

Identifying signs of financial compatibility with your partner is just one item on your due-diligence checklist. Choosing a romantic partner at any stage of life is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.

Listen to your heart but let your head be part of the decision.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, especially if you’ve been burned in the past, take a breath and give yourself time to reflect. It’s not unusual to struggle to view your own situation objectively. That’s why seeking qualified advice can be so valuable, particularly from someone outside your circle of friends or family, who (understandably) may be biased and don’t necessarily have the right tools.

If in doubt, please click here to read my blog “What Questions Should I Ask Before Committing to a Life Partner?"

Don't leave your happiness to chance: click here to book a free confidential introductory call or - if you're feeling shy - explore my online dating success framework.

With best wishes,

Mila Smith

Founder of From Single to Couple Relationship & Dating Consultancy