Before You Use AI for Dating: What You Need to Know

I’m not here to write another blog berating or praising AI. In my line of work as a relationship and dating consultant, AI is simply here - undeniably...

According to the recent Norton Cyber Safety Insights Report: Online Dating Edition, a growing number of UK online daters are turning to AI to enhance their profiles and interactions. Among those using dating apps:

• 56% would consider using AI to craft their profile

• 63% to write pick-up lines

• 49% to practise flirting

  
  

On the surface, this may sound efficient, even smart, but when it comes to real relationships, efficiency is hardly the goal.

Can You and Should You Use AI for Dating?

Use it if you must, but do it carefully. Here are three reasons why AI shouldn't be your go-to tool for relationship and dating coaching or prompts:

1. Sources and quality of information are uncertain

ChatGPT and other platforms pull information from various existing sources, but you can’t be sure of its origin, context or accuracy. There is a lot of unhelpful and even harmful dating and relationship advice out there, which is not supported by research and science.

It's also likely to be too generic, culturally skewed - and not necessarily aligned with your values or circumstances. This applies to all generic platforms and specialist dating advice AI.

2. AI doesn't know the real you

Yes, you can "train" ChatGPT to apply a certain style to sound more like you, but it can’t possibly understand your history, emotional baggage and relationship patterns. It can't read your body language, measure attraction or detect hesitation.

Relationships aren’t about saying the right thing: they’re about authenticity, timing, emotional presence - all the "messy human stuff". By outsourcing your voice, you also outsource discernment.

3. Authenticity

If you must use AI, use it selectively: for structure, some ideas, grammar check - and then build up the rest yourself. Authenticity has a detectable signature. If you recognize AI-generated language, so can others, which means eventually you'll be found out and exposed.

Some people don’t mind, but many absolutely hate the idea of being “ChatGPT-ed” into bed. Once trust is compromised, especially in a new, still fragile relationship, it’s extremely hard (or impossible) to recover.

These concerns are not purely theoretical...

What Research Says about Dating Advice AI:

Another study published by Technology Org explored how AI shapes romantic interactions and where human communication continues to outperform it. The experiment involved 1,000 women aged 18 - 30 and compared three personas:

• AI chatbot

• Professional dating coach

• Everyday young man

  
  

The results revealed clear patterns:

• AI performed well at initiating conversations. It was polite, coherent and safe.

• However, emotional depth, vulnerability and commitment remained uniquely human strengths. When the interaction moved beyond messaging and into planning a real-world date, human communication took the lead.

• Messages written by a professional dating coach ranked highest. By contrast, AI-generated responses were perceived as cautious and non-committal.

  
  

This highlights one of the main limitations of AI-generated conversations: difficulty confidently signalling intent, feelings and making decisions.

Here's the most interesting part:

"The strongest differentiation appeared in the final stage: the “make it official” moment. Here, the young man’s message ranked highest, ahead of both the dating coach and the AI chatbot. Respondents described his message as genuine, emotional, and vulnerable - qualities that AI systems struggle to express due to their focus on coherence, safety, and risk-avoidance. While models can reproduce sentiment, they lack the lived context and emotional imperfection that humans rely on to signal sincerity." *

Key takeaway: emotional honesty remains a human strength: it's not a bug - it's a human skill. Attraction and intimacy are built on emotional risk. Saying imperfect but genuine words beats a polished AI response every time.

AI, scams, and online dating risks

It’s not just about AI helping you - it can also be weaponised. Online dating scams involving AI come in various forms.

For example, a Glamour magazine article tells a terrifying story of a romance scam that used artificially generated videos and audio of women to trick men into believing they were forming romantic connections. In summary:

• With deepfake technology, victims were duped out of $46 million in total.

• AI-generated videos and photos used to be glitchy and easy to spot. However, the technology is quickly improving and becoming easier for anyone to use.

• Unlike stolen images (classic catfishing), AI deepfakes can’t be detected via reverse image search, which is normally a good technique for detecting fraudsters.

  
  

Romance scam reports have risen 20% year-over-year during the first quarter of 2025, according to data from UK banking giant Barclays.

Oh, and this gorgeous lady… sadly, is generated by ChatGPT. However, if you only believe what you want to believe...

The lesson: buyer beware. We can’t rely on online dating apps to do all the screening and groundwork for us - especially now with AI in the mix. The apps are only for introductions; the rest is up to you.

Practical steps to protect yourself from online dating AI scams:

• If something feels suspicious, get out and stop contact.

• Use the apps for introductions, then ask for a call or a video chat (although, as we've discovered above, even that is not a guarantee).

• Or go straight to meeting in person, even for a quick coffee, but always in a public place first.

  
  

The Truth about AI Dating Apps

Some dating platforms represent a newer evolution in the online dating space, leveraging AI to enhance matchmaking beyond traditional algorithms, or so they say.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Many traditional dating sites, like Match, eHarmony and Elite Singles, have been using forms of AI for decades. If you’ve tried them, you know that they require you to fill out long questionnaires about your personality traits and other aspects of yourself.

The quality of these methods is indisputable, as they were designed by some of the brightest scientific minds in the field. For example, Dr. Helen Fisher, a PhD and biological anthropologist, who served as Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute, conducted extensive research and authored six books on the evolution and future of human attraction, love, marriage, gender differences, how personality shapes who we are and who we love etc.

Did you know that Match.com first appointed Dr. Fisher as a Chief Science Advisor and started using Dr. Fisher’s algorithm to match people back in 2005? Many other dating apps have since adopted or developed this approach.

So, what do the newest AI dating apps do differently?

After researching this area, it appears that the latest platforms analyse:

• User profiles – interests, hobbies, and personality traits inferred from bio text, photos, and activity.

• Interaction patterns – who you swipe on, message frequency, response style, and conversation tone.

• Psychological compatibility – some apps use AI-driven personality assessments to predict emotional and relational compatibility.

  
  

Much of this isn't entirely new, but rather a marketing twist: repackaging of older, research-backed approaches.

And here comes the biggest revelation: do you know the real formula of a healthy, long-term relationship?

The Most Valuable Dating Tip You’ll Hear This Year:

True compatibility is not based on shared hobbies or interests. Having a couple of activities in common is great, but these alone predict almost nothing about long-term relationship success. In fact, maintaining some separate interests can actually help keep the spark alive over the years.

What really predicts long-term compatibility is (based on decades of research):

• shared key life values

• trust between partners

• ability to handle conflict constructively.

This is a deeper topic which I explore in detail with my clients through one-to-one relationship and dating coaching.

Remember: finding the right person isn’t luck. It requires strategy, awareness and emotional presence. AI can assist, but it can't replace your emotional intelligence, judgement or intuition.

Human intelligence is our capacity to negotiate between emotional reactions and knowledge / reason. No one can operate at full capacity with reason alone, or with the emotions alone, both are necessary.

If you’d like tailored advice, a personalised strategy or emotional support, let's connect and discuss! Book a free confidential discovery call with me today or check out my step-by-step video framework for dating success.

With best wishes,

Mila Smith

Founder of From Single to Couple Relationship & Dating Consultancy

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 * Technology Org, Dec 2025